I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
