This girl is more easily done than said...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
