sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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