what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
