Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
