vagina is talking i cant
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
