If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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