what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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