Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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