This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize