WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
