what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
