If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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