I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
