Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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