You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
