If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize