I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
