I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
