He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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