just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
