I smell stomach acid.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
