I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
