the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
where are you?
Hypothermia
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
