i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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