If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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