I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
