i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
