If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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