so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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