I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
