Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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