my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
