Please, let me fuck your mom
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
