So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
