thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
