I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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