i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
