you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
