Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
