When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
