My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
