some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm at about main and main street
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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