We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
