just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
