Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
