Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
