just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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