My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
