ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
