You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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