Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
