glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
