She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
