is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
