So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
