idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
