Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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