you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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