I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
