you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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