She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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