do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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