My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
