Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
