Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize