dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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