Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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