He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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