Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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