Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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